>18 rules of thumb
borrowed wisdoms of a brand new adult
“Today you can be convicted as an adult, get married, and vote. The world is your oyster!” -my mom.
At 12:00 am on July 11, 2024, I sat in my sister’s bedroom and realized my childhood was legally over. Yipee. (Although apparently, everyone is a kid until they are at least 25 years old, which kept the existential crisis at bay).
I have been a cranky, cynical, eighty-year-old man for all my eighteen years. Jokes aside, I like to think I have listened and learned some from the amazing (or at least interesting) influences in my life.
I am sitting in one of the comfy chairs in Starbucks. I treated myself to a cake pop and to ungodly amounts of espresso. I made it clear - an opinion I have reaffirmed since all my nieces and nephews have found refuge in my house on account of Hurricane Beryl. 1
Even though no one in their right mind goes to an eighteen-year-old’s Substack for advice, I want to jot down the best knowledge and philosophies I have gathered in the springtime of my life.
In conversation, the word “you” should leave your mouth more than “I”.
doveryai no proveryai — trust but verify.
One must imagine Sisyphus happy
Love exists and it hurts. Most good things do, just a little bit. 2
Compound interest is your best friend and your worst enemy. Lifestyle inflation is only the latter.
Don’t worry so much about making people like you. Focus on whether or not people like being around you.
Kindness > niceness, and manners exist for when you want to do neither.
Consume liquids. Most of you are dehydrated.
Eat fiber, protein, and lots of green stuff.
Wear SPF every day; remove your makeup every night.
Compliment people. Even strangers, especially strangers.
Pretty much every good recipe begins with onions and garlic
Absolutely anything, no matter how complicated, can always become more complimented.
You cannot change people. That is okay.
Take the high road - it’s a better view.
Everyone is a bit weird. Thank god.
It’s your parents’ first time on Earth too.
On that last note: nobody knows what the hell they are doing.
Write for yourself. That goes for every form of creative expression, actually.
Handwritten thank you cards go a long way. If you need them to see an immediately, make it an email.
Do not think that because you are having a bad day, you need to make someone else’s day worse.
Carry a nice pen with you. In a bind, it can stab someone as well as a knife.
Don’t look down.
Don’t kill yourself. Not while there’s coffee, fast cars, cats, and pretty women in the world.
Vaseline under perfume makes it last longer.
Before you do something, think: “It may be good for the plot, but is it good for the brand?”
Give weight to your words. Speak less, swear less, and keep your promises.
Be a vault. Do not betray confidence.
Do no harm, take no shit.
Luck may grace a fool, but it rarely sits down with him.
Your intuition has no ulterior motives.
If you expect the worst-case scenario, you are usually pleasantly surprised.
Be the best version of yourself because there is no better way to spite the people who doubted you.
No one cares! Isn’t that fantastic news?
Pick a few things to care about. You may want to kill yourself, otherwise.
Your life is what you are willing to fight to make of it.
I went to bed at 3 am this morning, but the thoughtless last words of a journal entry happened to be the best quote to end this with:
Go to bed, girlie. Sweet dreams, young woman.
I have never had a hurricane before my birthday, but we will save climate change for a different post.
Including growing up.